I will no longer be maintaining this blog. I wish you all well.
I’m sorry. Yesterday I had few words and even less will to share any. Yesterday was hard. It was just hard. Like a lonely, concrete road leading to nowhere, swamped by mists, in the rain; each step labourious and painful. It was a soul-crushing kind of day with a lot of harsh realities glaring and unavoidable.
Most days I can shake myself out of it. Or ignore it. Or do something to counter-act it and even out the lows with a high. Push come to shove I can take prescription pain medication that would knock a horse out and bumble along with numbness. But yesterday nothing worked. Yesterday I was bit-part player in an Ernest Hemingway story and was running on empty.
I’m never quite sure if it’s the low self-esteem that causes the depression, or the depression that causes the low self-esteem. Anyway, this wasn’t an attempt to flounce. I might blog again. I might not. It all depends on whether I can lie to myself that it makes a difference. Right now it doesn’t.