Goodbye

I will no longer be maintaining this blog. I wish you all well.

I’m sorry. Yesterday I had few words and even less will to share any. Yesterday was hard. It was just hard. Like a lonely, concrete road leading to nowhere, swamped by mists, in the rain; each step labourious and painful. It was a soul-crushing kind of day with a lot of harsh realities glaring and unavoidable.

Most days I can shake myself out of it. Or ignore it. Or do something to counter-act it and even out the lows with a high. Push come to shove I can take prescription pain medication that would knock a horse out and bumble along with numbness. But yesterday nothing worked. Yesterday I was bit-part player in an Ernest Hemingway story and was running on empty.

I’m never quite sure if it’s the low self-esteem that causes the depression, or the depression that causes the low self-esteem. Anyway, this wasn’t an attempt to flounce. I might blog again. I might not. It all depends on whether I can lie to myself that it makes a difference. Right now it doesn’t.

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18 thoughts on “Goodbye

  1. So sorry to hear this Debbie. I still hope we’ll bump into eachother on a Cumbrian beach sometime. Every blessing, always, to you and yours.
    Helen

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  2. My goodness, after so many years. Hoping the decision was a satisfying and peaceful one, and if not, that it gets to that place. I feel some of my baby brain fog lifting and am really eager to dig deeper with Tend.

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  3. Debbie i only expect bad news from al jazeera or any other news outlet not here… although i live an ocean apart from you I’ve come to see you as a sister i like to visit every morning. May Allah have wonderful and fulfilling endeavours in your path.
    xoxox

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  4. Your work is very beautiful and your writing attracted me to your blog maybe a few years ago because the honesty about family life both made me laugh, and made me feel relieved. I love your mix of down to earth truthfulness and your loving homeliness. Like someone else commented, your blog was also one of my daily routines! I have never commented over the years but felt very worried when you posted ‘Goodbye’ as it was obvious something was wrong. I really wish you well and hope you find the strength to fight the awful feelings, so you can continue the wonderful job you are doing with your family. Take care x

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  5. I hear you. This time of year kicks me in the gut and drags me along in the dirt. Big hugs and you know I’m here if you ever want to talk (or vent or just scream at the universe). xo

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  6. Don’t give up. Life gets so heavy sometimes…..but it always lightens again.
    Take care of yourself, step back for a while. We’ll be here when you feel ready to come back.

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  7. Aw Debbie, I know how that all feels. I think I use my blog as a respite of the horrors of the daily, and, having just completed a course of radiation therapy, my blog has been such a relief to me. I guess if it ever stops feeling good and right I’ll stop as well. Right now, in the West Coast, it’s dreary and raining and I really have to struggle for some bright ray of light to blog about and still make it relevant and interesting without resorting to the “guess what I made for breakfast?” approach…you know what I mean? So there are days, and maybe even weeks, when I haven’t had anything to say, but eventually the sun does come out. I hope the sun comes out for you.

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  8. I was so sad when I read your last facebook post, that I couldn’t click fast enough to get to your blog.But then so happy when I saw that you scratched out Goodbye.I can tell you with all honesty I would miss you online very much. You Do make a difference. There are many times that I just don’t feel like doing anything,that there is no point to things, then I think of you and the way you share your time with your kids and us and it just pushes me through whatever it is I’m feeling. Thank you. You do so very much matter. Thank you.

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