My Sugar – Coated Whiney Post

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Here is a saucer. It is old. It is vintage. It is made of china and has a flower on it. It is thrifted and I bought it on a whim to go with my pincushion cup which is also old and vintage and made of china which doesn’t have a handle because I’m retarded and break everything and I broke this several years ago when I just started sewing and blogging and then put my pin cushion into the cup and thought I was a freaking genius. Yeah, that cup.

So this saucer goes with my pin cushion cup and yesterday I hot glued some really strong magnets underneath it. And now… it is a pin dish. Yeah. Stone cold genius. I bet you wish you were me.

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Ta Da.

OK now for the whiney part of the post, these whines may or may not be related but if I don’t rant here I may have to scratch someone’s eyes out so why not let off steam here ::

*Deep breath*….

Firstly, I would like to tell all perfect wife, mother, crafter, business women who blog nothing but professional looking poster-boy shots of their children, baking and making that I actually think I hate you. Just stop it. Stop. Stop pretending, just do one post where you let us see how insane you are on the inside. Please. Stop also mentioning the social status of your partner as if you think this rubs off on you. It doesn’t. It makes you look desperate. And I know you think your kids are cute, but some of us don’t. In fact some of us take one look at your baby and wish someone had slapped the midwife, OK? Yes even the ones that look like a pin up of the Ayran race. No way your kids look that clean. Please tell me they eat worms and dirt like everyone else’s and shove magnets up their nose. Not because it makes me feel better, but I just would like to think of you going insane as you try to keep them clean for the photoshoot of them picking a dandelion.

If you are also one of those bland robo-moms who preach your religion at me (even if it’s my religion) all that goes double. Bite me.

Secondly, make a mental note – just because I don’t bite back doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten or forgiven your nastiness oh you of internet trolling/bitching society. You are ugly from the inside out and most of you are ugly from the outside in. In fact, one or two of you look as though you’ve fallen straight out of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down. You may wear your ignorance and bad manners like a badge of honour for all your thick cronies to pat you on the back as they bray like donkies waving their pitch-forks in the air like some demented comedy strip off The Simpsons but that doesn’t make you any less repugnent. The fact that you cannot see how stupid you are shows how stupid you are.

Trolls who wear down bloggers and make them remove posts that most of us would like to read thankyouverymuch – one word : karma. What goes around comes around. I just wish I could be there with my camera when your’s comes to bite you on the ass. It’s coming. Oh yes. It really is.

Finally, but by no means least – I am going batsh*t crazy in this insanely small house. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t live in a house this small and pretend I’m happy. I’m not. Two small bedrooms and kitchen/diner/study area the size of my arm span and a bathroom you can place both palms on opposite walls. It’s killing me. I have no space to move. Everything is piled up. If I want to open a freaking door in this house I have to move like three pieces of furniture and a mountain of laundry. If two or more people are in the same room we have to negotiate where we want to go and the other person has to move out of the way as we do-si-do around the freaking furniture sideways. I swear I scuttle everywhere. I’m surprised my children know how to walk straight. Even crabs don’t scuttle as much as we have to. I know. I know I should be grateful – I know I could be living in a central reservation of a motorway in Calcutta eating Witchetty grubs and bark (yes I know Witchetty grubs aren’t found in India. F*ck off) and compared to that scenario I am indeed rich and blessed. I know. OK, I know. And if one more person who lives in a proper sized house tells me to be grateful I think I may have to spray obscene remarks with weedkiller on their lawn. I know I should be grateful. So why am I instead stressed out and suffocating?

I am beyond trying to think postively. I am literally going insane here. I could pound both my fists into the ground in rage. I feel like taking a baseball bat and smashing every effing thing into dust and then jumping up and down on my husband’s head. … … OK I feel like that anyway, I don’t think that has anything to do with me going batsh*t crazy.

So. That in a nutshell is my angst this week. And probably the next too. If anyone can buy me a house or a valium I would be much obliged.

Do I feel better? …. a little. Sorry you had to read that.

NEXT!

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38 thoughts on “My Sugar – Coated Whiney Post

  1. Yes, pin-holder-magnety-china-saucer IS a genius idea. And this is me, pumping my fist in the air (which smells of poo and vomit from my kids sickness last night and no running water…) and yelling “Heck yes!” I couldn’t have said it (everything you said) better myself. And if I had tried, some blogging troll would have come along and berated me til I took it down in shame.

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  2. No running water?? Really? Oh dear Lord I couldnt cope with that. Starting to feel better already. Might go and turn the tap on and off to feel better. Yeah screw trolls. What goes around comes around…. mwhahahahargh

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  3. In awe again of your way with words. If I win the lottery I will definitely buy you a bigger house, okay? Until them i’ll read your rants and try not to preach. X

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  4. You sound like me on one of my better days lol. We all have moments, days, weeks, months and for me years, when it all feels like too much to take. I’m coming out of my bad times, slowly but surely but its been years of feeling like absolute sh*t.You do beautiful work: whether writing, crafting or being a mother. Keep on, keeping on!I hold onto the idea of: this too will pass.Keep doing what you do, cos you do it very very well. Hang on in there.x

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  5. Ha ha ha. Yes, now the water is back, and I feel so good just going in and turning it on because I can. They just shut off the water supply sometimes with no rhyme or reason, and no notice. So you bet when I heard the faintest “trickle trickle” in my toilet’s tank, I ran in there and opened all the faucets and filled every article which could be filled just in case it runs out again (when it does…). major suck!

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  6. Oh. My. Gosh. I love you. I have you on my favorites and look in every day, sometimes twice, until I find a new post. This post is so wonderful. I have read it twice and now am passing your site on to friends. Maybe these trolls are why people are blogging less? When I am reading blogs and don’t like something, I just move on. That is just good manners. No one is forcing me to read anything. I have also gone through my days that your are in now. I always pictured myself making my way through life in a muddy ditch by the side of the road and looking up to seeing everyone else in nice convertible topped cars speeding by on the dry pavement and under the blue sky. You hang in there sweetie. Stick you head up on your side of the road (I’m in the US) and I will stick mine up from my ditch and we can wave at each other.

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  7. Yes, that’s just what it feels like… Wading through a muddy ditch, wading through treacle whilst everyone else seems to have shiny lives. I know that’s not true but sometimes it feels like it. Thankyou! πŸ™‚

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  8. No one is perfect my lovely one. Love you blog. You can rant and go nuts on here all the time. We all have moments like that. Life is tough and being a mother is hard hard work. Take a walk, treat yourself to a bath and a bit of yummy things to eat. You deserve it. Hope your day got a little bit better! I love that saucer.

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  9. Trolls? Oh dear – I can’t imagine what you could possibly of written that would merit someone trying to convince you to remove it? Or have I lost the gist of that bit completely?And I can sympathise on the small house front, because now I’m out and living somewhere else I realise it was contributing to making me feel ill. And yes I was grateful for a roof over our heads, I’ve been homeless twice and one of those times was sleeping-on-the-streets-homeless, but it still wasn’t *good* and yes, where I am now isn’t perfect either but I bloody count my lucky stars we have SPACE!I wish there was some sort of magic fairy wand thingy that I could wave and make it better, because it’s horrible when you feel you self (not so slowly) going insane from where you live.(((hugs)))

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  10. THANKYOU Nikki. Someone who understands I’m not being ungrateful, it is actually making me I’ll here. Honestly I don’t know how much longer I can keep digging deep. Forget about the trolls I’m just venting my anger. Please send us good energy. This is the year that might make us or break us….

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  11. fwiw I don’t think you are being ungrateful. xx Motherhood is extreemly hard, you have 2 growing boys and you need space. I’m sending you as much positive energy as I can. xxand I agree with Nikki, its really awful when you start to loose yourself because of a house. Amandaps years ago one of my relatives used to rent a cottage from the N.T, it was’nt a farm but it did have a lot of land.

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  12. I’m having lots of moments like this. Then I go back to treading water until I go under again. I heard about the NT thing – my brother told me about it. I had a look but they seemed to want farming experience for a few of their places. But yeah, I haven’t looked in a while…. *sigh*

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  13. It can also be really difficult if you’re tied to an expensive area through work. I live further north than you and I can imagine that houses are much cheaper up here (both to buy and rent) than where you are. I remember my brother and his girlfriend visiting from Brighton and being stunned at the prices up here in comparison to where they are (a three bed end of terrace costing £100k less than a one bed flat in Brighton).The ‘feeling tied’ can be really suffocating (and I think that is the right word, because sometimes it feels like you can’t breathe :0( )Sometimes it takes something quite drastic to break the status quo enabling you to move on.

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  14. Lily – as lovely as they may be, 4 small children take up space pretty much anywhere (and I can sympathise, I’m expecting no.5, although mine are fairly spaced out which in some ways makes things easier than 4 close together, but in others…)Yes, ‘in times gone by’ people managed in tiny spaces with lots and lots of people living together, but this does cause stress on people.I’m a person who likes the company of others, I certainly enjoy spending time with my children (or otherwise why home ed?) but everyone (even me) needs some quiet time now and again and with 4 small ones I can imagine that at times life feels claustrophobic – it can be hard to find that balance (I was certainly in that place where we moved from and my children were too).And when you dare to venture to complain a bit about it, people will jump down your throat with trite statements like, “Well you chose to have *so many* children.”Well, yes, this is true, but just because something has been a choice and a welcome one at that, doesn’t mean that sometimes it isn’t frustrating and maddening and hard and tiring and, and, and…Same with where we live – it is possible (IMHO) to be grateful for a roof over our heads (and food on the table, etc) but still want for something ‘more’. This yearning does not mean that we are necessarily ‘ungrateful’. My idea of a ‘dream house’ would be some people’s idea of a nightmare house where they would not want to live – from my pov I would like to be in the house I dream of (and, believe me, I’m not dreaming of some large mansion with gold plated taps or some such, rather I’m hankering after a far more simple abode, even than I am in now ;0)It’s about finding a place that you can truly call ‘home’.

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  15. Debbie – not sure this helps but I’m feeling a bit ‘nuts’ right now. It’s finances, sinus pain and two 4 years who are really quite wild at the mo… I do have to say though, your writing is Superb. Seriously. Sending only good vibes & hugs your way… Trudy x

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  16. Well we are on the edge of dead expensive ion one direction up to fairly normal in another. And yes, just because you have made a choice about some things doesn’t mean you can’t moan about the black lining. I do get fed up of the ‘you’ve made your bed’ analogy. My idea of an ideal home isn’t a mansion either. I wouldn’t want a huge house with all the bells and whistles. I just want a normal sized house and some room to move, play and grow food. ….I know everyone has their version of pain. Thank you for the good vibes … I honestly think the kind wishes of friends is the only thing keeping me afloat on some days….

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  17. Thank you, thank you, that was brilliant! and yes small living spaces with children are horrific. we used to have that and I went out of my mind… and the clean aryan pin-ups! I always wonder how come my kids are always dirty in contrast to the blond-blue-eyed ones who happen to be neat at all times… Ha, you are awesome!Alexa

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  18. Well I have a daughter who is blonde with light green eyes (so pretty damn ‘Aryan’ – dressed up she could be a poster girl for that sort of thing) and she does like ‘frilly things’ like having her hair curled and lacy doilies. People joke that she’s seriously channelling stereotypical 50s housewife at times and that she may grow up to be just a little scary (many of these traits are not ones that she’s got from me!) She can’t help being blonde, light eyes and white – it’s in the genes ;0)However, despite all this she still manages to be muddy quite a lot of the time (and will put snails on her face – she really likes gardening and plants and flowers in general, so that’s going to lead to some mud) and like climbing.I think it can be more to do with a talent for taking photos, which I sadly lack and the time to either make or money to buy beautiful clothes for small children to be photographed in – both of which I also generally lack – oh and letting children run around in said clothes and lovely dresses do not make the best climbing clothes.

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  19. “The fact that you cannot see how stupid you are shows how stupid you are.” maa shaa Allah. Sister (assalamou alaikom) i truly enjoyed ur post and im so glad i followed u way back when and checked in today. I feel the same as you and have been thru it too. Yes sometimes i think in rhyme :)I even wrote a poem about women/sisters like this on my multiply http://sisterseekingilm.multiply.com/journal/item/2/Poem_to_THAT_sistermay Allah grant you double ease for verily with hardship is ease, with hardship is ease. When u sell that house or move inshAllah make sure to call it a “cottage” so it sounds charming lol

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  20. Oh, I really hear you on the ‘perfect lives’ bloggers. They make me want to vomit. Why do they need to boost their self esteem by making us all feel bad that our lives aren’t as perfect and sugar coated as theirs.And the small house situation…we are living in a small house (a little bigger than yours by the sound of it) and currently there are 3 adults and 2 kids here, but my 3rd baby is due in Septmeber and I am expecting to feel some of the rage at a small place that you are going through. Currently my boys share a 7 foot square room, and the baby will be in with us but I don’t know what we will do once the baby is bigger as there is not another room for him/her!I really hope your home dreams come true soon, and in the meantime keep pounding those walls, you never know you may force the house into getting bigger! xx

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  21. It is bad that your post made me smile? Maybe because I wish I were as eloquent (batshi*t? – never heard of it but one for the future because I’ve overused all the others) as you are. The space thing I TOTALLY get as I lived in a touring caravan for 4 months with a baby whilst renovating our house (which was only going to take 4 weeks, but that’s another story). It made me so stressed my eye bled! Re. smug blgos all I can say is that what you read on blogs is a public face; in my case (I may be a smug blogger?!?!) there are some people who may be reading that I truly don’t want to see me fall on my backside. If ever you need a country-side fix and are not far from me then PLEASE do come and weed; preserve; pick fruit; and feed chickens – cos we could do with a break from it! (http://southwellski.blogspot.co.uk)As for trolls? Drive them back under the bridge where they belong. I don’t know you and this is my first visit but hey – hugs to you.

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  22. Your EYE BLED?? I know blogs aren’t real, some days I hate other peoples lives when actually I want their life!! Now that sounds like my kind of fix… Thankyou… On google maps right now πŸ˜‰

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