When Did I Lose my Voice?

Sometimes I sit down to write here and very often I delete what I have written and post pictures of my knitting or something instead. That’s no hardship. I quite like having a journal of crafting endeavours to look back on. But when did I lose my voice in this online world? In fact, in the world in general?

It’s true I shy away from expressing opinions anymore, because, well that’s just what a lot of what it is – opinion, and why rattle peoples’ cages unnecessarily with thoughts they don’t have when you can opt for a quiet life instead?

I have had my fair-share of ding-dongs with people who disagree with me over the years; and my rather quick temper and caustic way with words have only ever exacerbated that. Combine that with a rather pathological personally trait of never backing down and, well, it can put a strain on things can’t it? I don’t suffer fools gladly but over the years I have at least learned to keep my ranting inside my head and gloss over the rest with a ‘oh well, we’re all different’. There are only a handful of people who will ever hear me rant in real life now.

But that makes me come across as rather docile here – someone so utterly defunct of a brain that she has to resort to writing about sewing and knitting to give her some kind of meaning to her miserable life (which may be true), when actually, I purposely do not share my thoughts simply to avoid getting walloped over the head by irate shallow thinkers… there I’ve done it again. I’ve labeled someone as a shallow thinker instead of pretending that I think they are dead, dead deep and clever… this having an opinion lark can be treacherous. I’ve made a statement that is open to counter-attack. Wouldn’t it be easier to post a scone recipe…?

I don’t know where this post is leading, but perhaps I should stop deleting posts just for a quiet life? It’s an intersting proposition… whether I’m up for it is another matter.

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18 thoughts on “When Did I Lose my Voice?

  1. You have figured out what I haven’t yet. And I love your sewing and crafting posts. I just assumed you are living a life of teaching your chitlens and yes, perhaps that you have struggled through all the demons some of us (me.) are fighting publicly. And getting beaten over the head by irate thinkers, shallow or not starts to get real old, real quick. But this is my “opinion”: it’s your blog! Post your opinion and turn off the comments and let people stew and rage behind their screens while you have enjoyed sharing your own two cents, if indeed sharing is what you would like to do without irate shallow thinkers to dread. Either way: opinions or crafting or homeschooling, I love your blog!

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  2. As someone who is not into blogging and only lurks around on beautiful crafty Mama blogs I need to tell you that this is the first time ever I felt like commenting on one. I adore looking at pretty photographs of family life and other women’s domestic creativity, but I am truly thrilled to see that you are apparently not a second or third or fiftieth soulemama ( don’t get me wrong I love that blog for its uplifting and inspirational quality) but I want to read of real mothers and women whose voices are not muted by housework and child-rearing, but who are real and three-dimensional and who I can relate to. As this is one tough and unappreciated job we have and yet we are not voiceless, docile workmachines or airheads who have too much free time on our hands and knit out of sheer boredom, or are we? So please speak up and cause some stir! And thank you for that wonderful post!

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  3. I also struggle with this. I am still not sure the direction in which I wish my blog to go. I want to it to sound like *my* voice, but my voice can be brash and abrasive at times. I often use naughty four letter words in every day conversation and occasionally my outlook tends to be half-empty rather than half-full. While I would love to be a soulemama or kindnessgirl because they truly are uplifting and inspiring, but that’s not really me. And while I think I’m okay with that, I’m not sure that that’s what others want to read. You know?

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  4. I just let people think I’m stupid as I can’t be arsed with arguing anymore, I’ve had enough of that in my life, so yes, chances are I’m labelled as boring.Also, parapets are getting somewhat harder to put my head over as doing so requires some climbing…I’ve never found your blog boring, although I sometimes visit sporadically (blame internet time and the fact that I keep trying to actually *do* rather than read) and I enjoy your pics and comments of ‘every day life’.

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  5. Fire away, and don’t disable the comments! I get sick of saccharine nonsense (even though I probably deliver it occasionally)on certain blogs and often just look at the pictures…I have blogged several times how I think people should be more ‘real’ and I am trying to do that myself. I know at the moment my posts are a bit miserable, but guess what? That’s because I’m feeling that way.Life is a bloody struggle and I think we are doing ourselves a disservice by not admitting it now and then.

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  6. I know what you mean, Catherine. Generally I try to keep this space a place of beauty, and only show the best of me here. Negativity doesnt dissipate when it’s shared, does it? It just seems to fester and grow. I don’t really want that even though I surely have plenty to go around! My voice is a consequence of my inner self, and I’m trying to clean that up by speaking well (fail), thinking well (fail), being grateful and full of acceptance in life (hit and miss) and finding love for others (yeah, let’s move on). I do slip into negativity and bad habits but when I come here I want just the good to show, you know? But that doesnt mean I have to be docile or be without any voice whatsoever… it’s a balance I’m not sure any of us walk well.Yes, Nikki – I’m happy to let people think I’m stupid, but sometimes I want to share things – and I’m just wondering when I became brow-beaten by the grazing masses? Though glad you like my space anyway :DAnd being real, can we be real without dwelling on the negative? I use this space as a meditation and also a sanity saver… if I came here to reflect the reality of some of my days I’d slash my wrists! Sorry to hear youre feeling miserable… life is a struggle, the way I survive that is by finding beauty and focussing with tunnel vision on the good stuff. I just don’t want to lose my brain in the process….Lisa, no fear – I am sure there will always be crafty stuff to show here – you can’t keep a fidgety-fingered woman down 😉

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  7. Wow, great blog post and comments sis. I would love to see more passion and angst behind posts, i too get fed up of saccharine posts (but enjoy them too) and need to sort my own blog out on that front aswel. Love what alexa said about wannabee soulemama, she is one of my favorite bloggers and i read it several times a week, but it seems like lots of people try to copy her style and people live their blog lives for show rather than true belief in what they are doing. Hope that makes sence, im rushing so that hubby can nick off with the laptop!Aqeela xx

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  8. I think ‘passion and angst’ is stretching it; I do mild annoyance and incredulousness quite well. I’m very good at ‘I don’t BELIEVE it’… I don’t blog for show, but I do treat it as a meditation and try to focus on the positive but somewhere along the way I just kind of went into autopilot. …

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  9. I agree with the other poster, if you want to say something, say it and turn your comments off.I was led here from another websites comments section because I like opinions that aren’t my own and if they don’t want comments they should turn theirs off. I will say with honesty I do live/love with a person such as yourself and I have often said to him “please know when to hush”.I like beautifully knitted items, scones and snark!

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  10. I write in journals still. ; ) I went through a particularly difficult time in my young married life and I wrote about it. I read over it and decided to ‘seal’ that part of the book cuz it brought me down and I did’t want someone to read it ‘carelessly’ in the future. It was sacred to me. The negative is always there. It’s what we choose to do with it. I think that whatever brings you peace and fulfillment is what you should do. ; ) This feels selfish to say, but I also love your blog and usually go to it to feel warmth and coziness. It makes my life better to have your precious moments in it. ; ) I know I would love to hear your voice more, as well. Sing away, girlie! xoox d

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  11. *snivelling like a girl now*… thankyou Debs. I think it’s possible to share thoughts without having to resort to being negative and snarky; I don’t like to give negative things air (but oh boy could I). If you give a fire oxygen it just keeps burning….

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  12. I agree with Daiseedeb. Your blog makes me feel warm and cozy. Both the colors and all the homey touches. It makes me imagine that being in your actual home would be this warm and welcoming, probably. :-)I have other thoughts as well on your comments regarding meditating and mulling over things in a public fashion without dwelling on the negative, but I am not sure how to put words to my feelings.

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