It hits me

It hits me that Mum isn’t there and things aren’t normal when I instinctively reach for the phone to call her. When I remember something funny the boys did; or just to pass the time chitchatting. She’s not there. I have regrets and pangs of sadness, of aching to get back what I once had so I could appreciate it this time. Because no matter how long you have it is the art of forgetfulness and not living the moment in gratitude that will leave you winded when it ends. Doesn’t matter if it was 5 minutes or 5 years – the quality of the moment and the state of the heart will make that time full of joyful memories or bitter regret.

And it reminds me of a Nasruddin tale where Nasruddin met a man on the roadside with a bag and his head in his hands crying. Nasruddin asked him what the matter was and the man complained none-stop about his life. At that point Nasruddin grabbed the bag and ran off down the road with it. The man, so shocked at seeing his bag stolen stopped crying and complaining and instead concentrated on the matters at hand and ran after the thief.

Nasruddin ran around the village, over fences and circled back on himself leaving the bag in the road exactly where it had been before he had taken it and he hid behind a bush. Eventually the man caught up with him and found his bag waiting for him. So overjoyed was he at finding his bag he praised Allah and danced in circles. From behind the bush a voice was heard:

“Well, that’s one way to make a person happy”.

The point I suppose is not needing to have your bag stolen before you appreciate it.

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8 thoughts on “It hits me

  1. assalaamu alaikum,
    what a test!! subhanallah….may allah ta’ala bless your mum with shifaa and ease the sadness in your heart…ameen
    fiamanallah
    seekingtaqwa

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  2. Its the first time I ‘m leaving a comment cause I didn’t have a blogger account. I’m glad you are back. So sorry about your mom. Hope she ‘ll get over it. Take care.

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  3. The first time it hit me that I am ‘alone’ (as in no person can take the ache away) was when I was 21 and my best friend gave birth to her first child…from that moment on the phone calls and daily contact changed. She just wasn’t there any more. Reading your post reminded me of that time, it was major, and I can remember this curious thing about not being able to tell anyone how bereft I felt.

    When a parent we still need on a daily basis disapears in any capacity we are bereft. At some point we become the parents of the parents…it is a huge responsibility.

    But overall I think the thing that comes across most strongly, is that you and your mum are great friends, and her having a sharp memory was a big part of your interactions. I don’t know if your mum will ever regain her memory … there must be hope that she will…

    Until then, hang on in there ((((D)))) xxx

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  4. “The drip is out but her memory is shot.”
    Mine was too:( I had a brain haemorrhage after my second brain op but my memory is miles better now. Hers will impove in time.

    ((hugs))

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  5. from what I see, your mum seems sick?? Well, if she is, I hope she is well. Always cherish the love of your mother and treasure the memories you both together. I had to learn my mother’s love the hard way…this is a good reminder for me.

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  6. Salaams,

    So sorry to hear your mother is ill. May Allah bless her and grant her shifa, that leaves no trace of illness behind.

    Tis strange, but my mother was very ill recently too. And I started blogging and collecting Nasrudin stories…which brought me to this post. 🙂

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